First night at home

From Singles 2011

For the record, this is the second time I've written this post. For the first time in the several years I've been using Blogger, something inadvertent and unfortunate happened and despite the auto-save feature, when my post failed to publish, it also had failed to save.

And, it was, of course, really great.

Well, we brought Zupe home on his 3 week birthday - on a Friday - on a Friday before a holiday (3 day) weekend. We were, at 4 PM suddenly home, alone, and solely responsible for this baby. Everything felt new and scary despite having done the basic care behaviors before...especially feeding the baby.

In the hospital we were given bottles of premixed formula to feed him. We couldn't find this formula in any of the stores. We were "stuck" with dry formula mix...fortunately the same brand he'd been eating. (No one in the hospital suggested that sticking with the same formula was important or even useful...but I know how upset dog stomachs get from abrupt diet changes - and what is a baby, but a hairless dog?)

So, this is what I knew. It is very important to get the proportion of dry mix to water exactly right. Very bad things can happen with a solution that is too rich or too thin. And, I knew what was written on the can. (See below.)

From Singles 2011

Pretty straight forward, right. You just pour cooled boiled water into the bottle, then pour a little out, then a little more out, then add in just a smidgen of water. Then using the nifty attached "leveler" you add mix at the rate of 1 per 50 ml of water.

But, the leveler. It was obviously attached to the little scoop. How was that to work??? And, if you can see on the photo, there seems to be a "fill line" on the scoop about 1/2 an inch below the top. So, how does one level off at that point with a leveler that is firmly attached to the scoop????? I could cut off the leveler - but then it would be pretty messy scooping into the mix gripping the little "bucket" with my fingers.

All of these anxiety driven thoughts cascaded, of course, at the 2 AM feeding.

Fortunately, there is a toll-free number on the container.

Unfortunately, it is not manned 24 hours a day, seven days a week. They did, however, provide an emergency contact number - a cell phone. (In Australia all cell phones (aka mo-bile (as in gall bladder bile) phones) have the same "area code" - 04.) So, do I call the 04 number and wake the poor schmuck who had to take the phone home for the weekend??

Of course I didn't do that. Instead, I found a 24 hour call-a-nurse health line and asked them.

Seems you fill the cup all the way to the top.

I didn't mess around with the built in leveler. I just pulled a butter knife out of the drawer like I would if I were measuring ingredients to make cookies. No need for fancy-schmancy levelers.

And, we all lived.

Now Kevin and I are old pros. I still don't understand why the scoop has holes in the bottom, but I don't freak out about absolute measuring perfection. So far, Zuperfliegen survives.

And, funny thing. A few days into our new role as living-at-home-family I considered the funny shaped lip on the top of the formula canister. One can scrape the scoop across that lip... and level off the powder. Built-in. Leveler.

Really. Those folks in the formula packaging division need to be informed before any more poor souls cut the scoop off the handle.

Zupe's first video

This morning while enjoying his bottle Zupe, for the first time ever, noticed the computer screen. He's had lots of opportunities - 3 seasons of "Breaking Bad", weekly episodes of "Game of Thrones" and "The Killing". Even videos on youtube from "Sesame Street". Nothing caught his eye....until now.

What does it mean? Have my not so subtle hints ("dancer not football player") found their mark in an early appreciation for Bob Fosse? Or, is he just drawn to leggy, busty, "easy" women?

Time will tell.

"So, let me get right to the point..."

Winter solstice

From Jun 20, 2011

Seems like time to put away the (largely unworn) summer clothes and take the winter ones out of storage.

This is probably* the hardest time of year for me. The days have grown quite short and the nights are sincerely cool. These changes prompt in me a quickening of my heart as I begin to count the days til Christmas.

But, alas. It is June.

And, so I am mourning the loss of my internally expected Christmas and the fact I'm missing another "summer".

It is all very illogical. Yet, I am unsettled.

*Note: In December I'll tell you that is my hardest time as Christmas comes but without the season or my family.

The horror of babies...

I'm convinced that much of the genre of horror was created by observing and experiencing babies - both before and after birth. This is not to say that I don't love Zuperfliegen - and I wish you'd stop telling him that - you'll give him a complex. Still, as wondrous and remarkable as the experience is, there are elements that are very, very creepy.

Take the images revealed by ultrasound. I'd like to meet the person in whom the following creates feelings of love or attraction.

From self portraits

Our first ultrasound (6 weeks). He's only a few centimeters long ("the size of a lentil") and per my memory of biology class he's got gills (or maybe he used to have gills...).

From Singles 2011

And, so, in my mind he's really pretty much a "sea monkey" and I expected I might see him pushing a little sea monkey vacuum like the pictures on the sea monkey ads in the back of Mad Magazine when I was a kid. No vacuum. No cute little apron. This one isn't particularly scary but it does bring home thoughts of possession. There's something alive inside...quiet but lurking. (And the gills, think "Creature from the Black Lagoon".)

From Singles 2011

From Zuperfliegen

Ultrasound 2 (12 weeks) This is where things start getting creepy. Check out those big hollow, scary eyes. Certainly this visage inspired the big-eyed aliens of the "I've been abducted, lost time, and have a chip in my neck" variety.

From Singles 2011

(Unless, of course, they are real.)

Then, a couple of months later...he starts to move. Move and get much, much bigger. Move in such a way that I'd jump, startled, and hold my breath waiting for my abdomen to erupt. You saw "Alien", right?
And, "Loaf"? (You'll have to ask Kevin if you want to see this one.)

From Zuperfliegen

His last ultrasound photos show only disembodied limbs. This is what I'm waiting to bring into our lives? (Though on a more positive note, by the end even though we were both huge, he moved frequently enough that I no longer screamed out loud.)

From art plus

Birth. Obviously horrific. Zupe was zombie personified.

After birth he's still a horror. From the kitchen while he's "sleeping", I hear under-the-breath-murmurs, quiet grave statements which could easily have been lifted from Linda Blair in "The Exorcist".

From Ohio Spring!

And, then there's feeding: ravenous, gape-mouthed, attacking in a purposeful, driven though uncoordinated frenzy.

Best Birthday, Ever!

From Singles 2011

For my big day Kevin shared his Dominion winnings and took Zupe and me out to dinner at Sizzler Steak House. We had a great time - including Zupe who found it a fine place to snooze. After dinner Kevin gave me my very heavy present.

Fifty Cocolo Dark Chocolate Mint bars - each stuffed with one reason why he loves me. (I cried.)

Since time has not yet been re-established here, I've already opened 4 bars:

#1. You were born! (And thus Love entered the world (again) and eventually Wonder entered my life.) Happy 50th Birthday!

#32. You are willing to play games.

#7. You love me back.

#15. You brought Zelda into my life (or something to that effect - I can't find the slip.)


(Note- #1 may not be exactly right. Zelda chewed up the note and I've tried to piece it back together. She loves me, too.)

Australian Baby Names

We saw this book recently at a "Baby Market" - like a giant flea market of baby and children's items - not including rocking chairs... Anyway, since we'd already named Zupe, and some would say and have said we'd overnamed him, we didn't need this book. Though we were very, very curious.

According to the Internet description - it includes 5,000 entries listed clearly in alphabetical order.

How many ways ARE THERE for listing Bruce five thousand times???

NPR Blanket Project: Is this why we are denied??

From September 2014

The 'Beginnings' Series: Upload And Submit Your Baby Blanket Photos


June 27, 2011 For our series Beginnings, we're working on a story about a blanket many of you will be familiar with. It's a white flannel blanket, with pink and blue stripes. It's the standard receiving blanket in many hospitals across the country.

As part of our project, we're collecting photos – like the one here – of babies swaddled in this specific blanket.

While you might think we'd have figured this out before, we only recently discovered that Zupe, being something other than a "blood relative" is not automatically eligible for US citizenship.  Seems you've either got to share some blood or be swaddled at birth in one of those American blankets.

Damn those polka dots!

Preparing for the paparazzi

From Zuperfliegen

or maybe just practicing concealing his identity in case "the man" comes looking.

Irony: the greatest force in the universe

From Zuperfliegen

Kevin tells me this ALL THE TIME.

Case in point.

For YEARS I have been confessing to Kevin that I'd really be interested in, let's see, this is awkward here - though surprisingly easy to say to Kevin - OK....interested in seeing an abdominal exploratory surgery on him. He's not shaped like a dog. At all. Or, a cat.

Then, WHO is it that is getting their abdomen incised? and WHO will be in the "audience"???

CRAP.

I thought FOR SURE there would be a big mirror hung in surgery so that I could watch Zupe being pulled from my abdomen. If you've got to have a C-section, that seemed like the least they could do! And, I must confess (again) that I'd been imagining where I'd make that incision as I watched my ever expanding abdomen...

BUT

no mirror.

And, no audience. Kevin had to sit behind the "curtain" with me (or at least the seeing part of me) until it was all over. The camera got passed to the anaesthetist's assistant....who did get some good shots. The best, little baby zombie Zupe, we've not put on line for fear of inducing panic in the general population...but if you're very, very brave...

What I need to remember

From Zuperfliegen

Don't leave the scissors in the baby's cage...no bed

While affectionate, it is probably best to stop calling Zupe "Puppy" and "Princess". Oh, and maybe no more "You're a good dog".

It is a crib or cot or bassinet or bed... not a cage. (Must repeat this.)

...."is harder with a baby on oxygen"

Australia has a very, very good community health program - at least for new babies and their mothers. The great staff at the Mater's Mother's Hospital set me up with them when they discharged Zupe and a nurse came by for a home visit about 2 weeks after we got home. She gave Zupe a physical: weighed and measured him. Then, she set us up with an infant feeding day long session and a weekly mother's group.

Well, she didn't immediately set us up with the latter. In fact, she wasn't sure "which group" would be best for us because "babies with oxygen tend to monopolize the conversation".

Now, that probably doesn't strike you as funny since you are convinced I DO monopolize our conversations. This, however, is all your doing. You COULD press that comment button and have your say. I'd be thrilled, in fact, to know I wasn't talking to myself. I do that all day long - usually in my head, but recently more times out loud telling myself I am "talking to Zupe." In reality I have NEVER been accused of monopolizing any conversation. I'm much more likely to be criticized for failing to participate in said conversation.

Still, it did provide a chuckle to Kevin and me. And, it was Kevin who noted that I could just end any sentence with "...harder with a baby on oxygen." He thinks it is almost as amusing as ending fortune cookie fortunes with "in bed".

So, I've been - let me start again - WE'VE been to two meetings. I DID mention my son was on oxygen - twice: first when I introduced him (I thought that people might be interested/concerned/curious as to why we carry an oxygen cylinder and decorate his cheeks with tape.) and secondly when we were asked to comment on how the experience of giving birth/being a mother differed from our expectations. (In hindsight I could have said more: I didn't expect to need an induction. (I did expect to go beyond 40 weeks...) I didn't expect that after the induction I would need a c-section. I didn't expect my son would hardly eat for almost 5 days, would sleep almost all the time, would spend 3 weeks in the hospital, would need 24 hour oxygen support...) Given the nurse's comment I may have been less willing to discuss the oxygen, in fact.

One of the major concerns with mother's is settling their crying baby. Why does she cry? Why won't he stop? Help!! I made the very foolish (in retrospect) statement that Zupe is very easy. He doesn't cry except when he's hungry. He eats and then he goes to sleep. On his own. No fuss. Just put him in his bed and he "self settles."
Foolish because we've yet to spend an entire visit there (about 2 hours) without him screaming for AT LEAST 45 minutes of that time. I hold him. I talk with him. I bounce him. I put him in his stroller. I pick him up.... The scream continues. He isn't hungry. He JUST ATE minutes ago. I think he's picked up his dad's respect for irony (the strongest force in the universe.)

Damn them both.

What was that all about?

That last post - about "Versailles". You may remember in 2009 I found a short film had been set in Versailles, Ohio. (Comedy, of course.) We never did find it on line to watch - The web site (mydamnchannel.com) has chopped the film into 6 - maybe it was 8 - installments. They've been publicizing it on Facebook, among other places, and I became its "friend". The question the post began with was posed by the "Versailles" page - and I tried to respond there - but Facebook thought I was too wordy, I guess. Anyway, they deleted initially part and then all of my post. So, because I was so pleased with myself I posted it here. (Well, there. Down below this post....)

In the time that has past since I wrote my response I have figured out that it doesn't really matter. No one is going to create Evelyn's back story. I am not going to become a Versailles legend. (Well, at least not for this.)

But, it is all good. The story had to be told somewhere

50 Reasons I Love You #7

From Mt Kosciusko

You love me back.

Versailles!

From Christmas lights 2009

So... we have this theory: Evelyn Anders is a miserable lady because she was never named Miss Chick at Poultry Days. What do you think?

In a high school class of 119, there is no great honor in winning Homecoming Queen. Who was she competing with? Evelyn Anders needed a win from a larger pool. Miss Chick? Everyone would say she had the hometown advantage. She cast her view more widely.

She flat-out refused to consider even entering the queen pageant for the Eaton Pork Festival. Miss Piggy? Queen Sow? Similarly, she ruled out Bradford’s Pumpkin Show- too easy for the comments to turn ghastly.

Annie Oakley Days. Only at the last minute did Evelyn understand that SHOOTING was part of a winning package… and that didn’t include shooting the team that was setting up the next target. Eliminated.

Minster’s Oktoberfest. Her place in the finalist group was snatched away thanks to some unspeakable accident involving massive quantities of beer.

Nearing the end of senior year came the big county-wide senior dance at Rossburg Chevrolet: The Rossburg-a-go-go. Certain she would win, Evelyn was crushed when a ballot box stuffing scandal (her words, not mine) awarded the price to the bitch (her words, not mine)from Russia. No prize. No tiara. No Chevette.

So, Evelyn deigned to enter the Miss Chick Contest. Designed her poultry themed dress. Practiced her wave. Arranged with her uncle, the squirrelly one, to borrow his convertible. And………

Maybe she won. (Still it was a year with a lot of hate and the win a cheap, no pun intended, hometown honor. Everyone said that!)

Then, again, maybe her crown was pulled at the last minute when it was revealed that she was far too closely related to the very vociferous group of radical vegans who were at the time of the crowing, defacing the world’s largest omelet.

**

50 Reasons I Love You #1

You were born! (And thus Love entered the world (again) and, eventually, my life.) Happy 50th Birthday!

The Size of Babies.

From Zuperfliegen

While describing a photo of Zuperfliegen, my friend Christine recently made a comment that I've heard before...something to the effect that she'd forgotten how small newborns are. I suppose in 6 months or 2 years or a decade, I might feel the same way. Right now I'm struck by how BIG he is. All of THAT was inside ME?

I found this statistic on the adhesive protector from a sanitary napkin: "When a woman is pregnant, her uterus expands to 500 times its normal size." (See photo from March 30 - you'll be convinced.)

And, while Zupe at birth weighed only about 6% of my weight, he was over 34% as tall as I am! Of course, that 54 centimeters wasn't stretched out in my abdomen, but curled up in what is so appropriately called The Fetal Position. In the photo above Zupe is a bit more than 1 week old. He's actually lighter than he was at birth - so this is mini-Zupe.

I knew that and I knew he was head down for the last 4 to 6 weeks. But, it wasn't until he was born and I was looking at his body that I understood that the "foot" I was always shifting off my midline was more likely a knee. I never even considered that I was being "elbowed" by elbows and knees. I was only thinking about hands and feet (while still puzzling over why his feet would be so low - just under my umbilicus. Perhaps I spend too much time looking at and thinking about dog feet?)

OMG - this is so funny - I just looked at that photo and thought, wow! he was so little. That didn't take long!

Zuperfliegen: Held Hostage

From Zuperfliegen

Let's see. This post should be dated April 15 - Happy 1 week old, Zupe!

We were supposed to be discharged from the hospital on Day 5 - April 13. My obstetrician came by and signed me out and then Zupe's pediatrician came in and did the same. The midwife staff, like Kevin and me, was concerned that there was something not right about Zupe. We discussed the possibility of getting a second opinion.

About that time the ped came back in to recheck Zupe. He wasn't so happy "about his color". He did a second physical exam and ordered some tests: a CBC, pulse oxymetry (measuring oxygen saturation of his blood), and blood gas analysis (oxygen, carbon dioxide, pH...). I watched the saturation values on the screen. His average was in the mid to low 90's. I wouldn't have been happy with those values if he'd been my patient - but I only measure saturation routinely during surgery when my patient is inhaling 100% O2 (well, except for the bit that is isoflurane). The nurse wasn't overly concerned. The ped. wasn't either. Nor was he bothered about the lower than normal O2 and higher than normal CO2 on the blood gas - but he did call in for a Respiratory Consult. (That is Resp- ear- a - tory with the accent on EAR.)

Those doctors were concerned and requested that Zupe spend the night in the Special Care Nursery getting an overnight saturation study that would be analyzed in the morning. And, so, we spend an extra night.

Then, Zupe spends an extra 15 nights.

He had a chest xray, a cardiac ultrasound, a brain ultrasound and numerous blood gas studies. Everything was normal with the exception of the blood gas studies that were done when he was NOT receiving supplemental oxygen.

My observation which I shared with the respEARatory doctors on their first visit to the Special Care Nursery was that his oxygen was good (98% or more) when he was awake and feeding, less when quiet and awake and damn scary (mid 80's) when deeply asleep. Still, it took almost 2 weeks and both the ped and them saying that everything looked OK, until he had a "Sleep Study".

SLEEP STUDY: Photo see below "Onion Head" April 27 post.
Lots of wires and probes and sticky pads. It is a wonder anyone can sleep. During the study a continuous stream of data are collected for later analysis: EEG, ECG, oxygen saturation, chest excursions... Initially this is done while the patient receives oxygen (at the level they've "been on" - for Zupe that was 100 ml.) Then, the oxygen is turned off and this data collection continues. Then, well, then, if you're Zupe, you scare the nursing team so badly they crank up the oxygen a mere 7 minutes later to 250 ml!

So, by the next morning (Thurs 21 of April) the gods have spoken and the word is "Zupe needs to go home on continuous oxygen therapy at 250 mls." Also, that "It will take 24 hours to complete the necessary paperwork and then up to 3 days to get the oxygen in place in your home so he can be released." And, "Hey, tomorrow is Good Friday and this year Anzac Day falls on the Easter weekend so no one will be able to even START the paperwork until NEXT WEEK Wednesday."

An earlier enquiry of the sleep study nurses suggested that once oxygen is requested it takes 3 days to get delivery.

Thinking here: request filed on Wednesday. Plus 3 days: Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

"Will oxygen be delivered on a weekend?"

"No."

And, that following weekend is ANOTHER holiday weekend - Labour Day - so that would set us up for delivery on the NEXT TUESDAY!!!!!

Because you are living in a non sequential universe, you know that we got delivery in 1 day and brought Zupe home on Friday.

"FREE AT LAST! FREE AT LAST! THANK GOD, ALMIGHTY, WE'RE FREE AT LAST" (With acknowledgment to MLK.)

Once home, we removed our "bands of solidarity".

(Photo above...taken when we first learned we'd be in for a long haul in the SCN.)

Water expires precisely in Qld

From Singles 2011

Maybe because it came from the hospital, but can you imagine that this water is "good" until a specific MINUTE in 2012. Sort of makes me wish I had kept it unopened so I could watch what would happen on July 1st at 5:16 PM. Does it turn color? Is there a puff of smoke? Does it bubble? or, do you just curl up your toes and die if you drink it?

Recorded from a bus in Brisbane

Really. I can't make stuff up this good.

SPITTING IS UNACCEPTABLE.
Bus operators are now equipped with DNA kits to assist with the apprehension of offenders.

How is it possible that I resisted the urge to spit? Do you think the driver slams on the breaks? Then, marches down the aisle swabbing the buccal mucosa of each potential spitting passenger?

Spitting is gross - but could this be over-reacting? How often is spitting an issue? Will the fines pay for the cost of buying the equipment for each bus?

Oh, and on an unrelated topic - yet still a sign. This time in the hospital.

Abusive behavio(u)r will not be tolerated - including "excessive intoxication".

Good to know that "just right intoxication" will not be a problem.

Reading to Zuperfliegen

From Singles 2011

Let me begin by saying that I love Kevin. Sometimes, well, rather commonly, we have different ideas about things. For example, I think we should read children's books to Zupe and Kevin - well, Kevin thinks he doesn't understand anything yet, so we should just read OUR books to him.

A rather unromantic idea - but I can understand his logic. So, since I've been struggling to finish Joyce Carol Oates' "Little Bird of Heaven", I picked it up and read to Zupe after his lunch. I had only a page and a half to finish a chapter. I won't put it all here, just a sample.

"In these last staggering minutes of his life my father did not speak, he did not speak to me as if in the urgency of the moment he'd forgotten me, a kind of oblivion had washed over his soul, his hard-as-steel soul and he'd forgotten me, he'd forgotten his wife whom he had so desperately summoned to his side. He'd forgotten his family, his life that had gone bad. For it was his secret knowledge that death is easy, death is so much easier than life. ..I saw Daddy crouching, his shoulders hunched and his head lowered, now his face was turned from me and I could not see if he was smiling, I would never see Daddy's face again and must surrender him now, in his shaky right hand the revolver to be identified in the media as a .38-caliber Smith & Wesson in the illegal possession of Edward Diehl, I saw Daddy step confidently into that blinding light and lift this gun as if about to fire it in a seemingly spontaneous mocking gesture that would be the final gesture of his life."

I don't think it was a good idea.

Attention: We are leaving the linear time line.

I've been gone for a while: weeks if not months. For my own reasons, I want to catch up here. I want to maintain a record of some of my thoughts and experiences. I imagine they won't be particularly meaningful for anyone but myself - and maybe Kevin. And, maybe Zupe, should he ever learn to read and is bored enough to wonder what his parents were up to at the dawn of time. There is some very, very, very small chance that after I catch up - assuming I catch up - I will go back and order these posts.

Yeah. Like that's going to happen.

The Zupe-bird has landed!!

From Zuperfliegen

Defying predictions of another weekend in the hospital, oxygen was arranged and Zuperfliegen came home on Friday!


Finally we are ALL at home! We were concerned that it wouldn't happen until next week . "Tues the 3rd at the earliest"- we were warned on Wednesday of last week. But, we got the paperwork done by Thursday morning and the magic woman at the hospital along with her secret contact at the social agency in charge of the "health card" program pushed everything through so we could get our oxygen and bring him home on Friday.

From Zuperfliegen

Zelda was VERY excited about Zupe. I was a little nervous about how desperately she wanted to get up on the bed so she could inspect him. (Throwing herself up onto the bed which for at least the last 6 months has been too high a jump for her. She made it - without first landing on her back.) I knew she wouldn't bite him - but I thought she might paw at him, scratch him. Because I was getting so anxious, Kevin said he'd take Zelda out for a walk while I fed the baby. She walked for about 2 blocks then turned around. Kevin thought she needed to sniff something she had passed, but she didn't stop. In fact, once she was within sight of the house - she ran! She ran for the a block - pulling Kevin along!

Zupe is on oxygen all the time. He'll have additional sleep studies every 12 weeks. In the history of the sleep clinic, they've only had 1 infant go off oxygen at 3 months. The best case scenario is he'll change to only night-time oxygen at 3 months and then come off at 6 months. Most babies are on oxygen for 9 to 12 months. (I hope he's off as soon as possible, obviously - especially before he decides he wants to be mobile - or start smoking. Damn these baadasssss babies.)

For a full account of Zupe's arrival and subsequent incarceration, I mean, hospitalization, please see my husband's blog, here.

Still singing to Zupe

Welcome here from outer space
The Milky Way is still in your eyes
You found yourself a hopeless case
One that's seeking perfection on earth
That's some kind of rebirth, so

Geeking out with the Zupe

Zupe as Talosian (ala the original, is there any other?, "Star Trek").

From Zuperfliegen

From Zuperfliegen

Zupe waiting for carousel. We're hoping for renewal! ("Logan's Run")

From Zuperfliegen

ESP study subject.

From Zuperfliegen

Onion head. (I thought this was pretty cute and so you may see something similar come Halloween. We hope the oxygen will be gone about then, too!)

From Zuperfliegen

A Plague of Frogs

From Singles 2011

I've been so busy and blog entries so few (well, none lately) that you'll easily remember this guy.

He is not alone.

We never managed to capture this frog. He disappeared up under the rim of the toilet and we couldn't dislodge him or even find him. That was several weeks ago.

Then came Zuperfliegen.

Kevin stayed with us in the hospital for the first nights. (I was there for 6 nights and Zupe is STILL there -going on week 3 now.) Kevin went home for a couple of nights during my stay to visit with Zelda. On the first of these nights he saw something dark on the floor of the kitchen. "A leaf", he thought. Then, it moved. Light revealed it to be a(nother?) tree frog. He trapped it and carried it to the opposite end of our block and released it.

On Thursday 14th I came home and found another frog in the toilet. It ducked up under the rim before I had the chance to don my frog-catching, pink rubber gloves - let alone call Kevin to see or find my camera.

The next night, I saw a dark shape hopping through the kitchen. I topped him with a plastic take-out container weighted with a not-heavy-enough frog-weight with the intention of taking a photograph once morning came. As you've guessed from my subtle foreshadowing, in the morning the container was empty. I'm not sure if was dislodged by super-frog strength or if he had some assistance, maybe from a certain black dog or more likely the fish stealing monster that lives in my kitchen. (Two more fish went missing during the time I was in the hospital.) Anyway, no frog... no frog photo.

Before we had a chance to leave for the hospital that morning, we did find a dead dried frog in Kevin's office.

So, that's somewhere between 2 and a gazillion frogs in our house. And, it can only mean one thing.

It's Zupe.

I'm not sure if he is the second coming. He's not saying. No wise men...yet. But, he WAS an immaculate conception.

What am I going to do with all this myrrh?

I hope you never change.....

For Zupe - with love from mom and dad.

This one's for you, Zupe

He's Here! He's Here!

From Zuperfliegen

Announcing the arrival of Zuperfliegen "Baadasssss" O'Brien !

Weighing in at 3340 grams (about 7 pounds 6 oz)
and measuring 54 cm (21.3)
with official birthdate of April 1, March 39, and April 8.

We are all well and struggling with lame laptop. Kevin gets kudos for typing a complete report!

Bad Blood.

From Singles 2011

"I'll tell you what, Emmet, reading the Bible for the fuckin' parts is not really reading the Bible."

I've been reading a lot of thrillers, mystery, detective stories lately - but nothing in the prose has given me much reason to pause. This is not to say there haven't been some great page turners.

This line, however, made me smile.

Waiting, waiting, waiting...

Here it is March 37th. How many days can there be in March??

So, while we wait, we run around the city doing things we enjoy and things we figure it might be a while before we can do again - at least with the relative ease we've been used to. Saturday playing cards at the home of friends, Sunday: GOMA, Monday: movie ("Rango" - that's a whole 'nother story - let me just say quickly, do not be fooled by 3 dollar tickets... they are no bargain), Tuesday: see doctor - wait, that wasn't particularly fun, Wed: today - Gallery of Art. Maybe. It is the plan, at least.

In the meantime, I expand. Leaving me with only one piercing question:

Does this black light make me look fat?

From Singles 2011

Uninvited guest

From Singles 2011

In my opinion, I have way too many blog posts about our toilet...primarily because it is always being overrun with creepy crawlies.

All I can say now, is thank god it wasn't a snake or rat.

Yet.

And, you should know, despite our best frog catching pink rubber gloves, we didn't nab him. We don't really know how he got in there - and so we aren't surprised to say we don't know where he's gone to now.

Maybe he's been eating my fish....

From Singles 2011

Look who's blooming: Mt. Cootha

Spending my non-nap time doing things I love - including strolling through the gardens on Mt. Coot-tha with my camera.

Today I learned that camellias and azaleas bloom in Brisbane in April (fall). I will never figure out this world! Are they early? or late? or just different varieties??

My favorite, though, because even I can grow them here, are the sages. I've grown sage since I lived in NC. They're happy ANYWHERE.

Except, it would appear in the above slideshow.

Dreaming

My recent change in shape has inspired many associated alterations. I can no longer reach the back row of glasses on the upper shelves in the kitchen, it takes a concerted effort involving arms, hands, and legs to get up from a squat on the floor - say to auscultate a German Shepard, my legs are shaved in irregular patches and I can only sleep in fits a starts. Getting to sleep, at least initially at night, is easy. But, then I'm up every 30 min or 60 or 120, if I've very lucky, in order to address the pressure of next to nothing in my bladder or just because I want to roll from left to right and, like a turtle, the weight in the middle of this transition requires considerable flailing.

The consequence of all this fractured sleep, beyond my mid morning and sometimes mid afternoon nap, is I'm very aware of my dreams. For the most part they are dreams of struggling, rejections, and anxiety - as restful as my general sleep pattern. This morning, however, I was inspired. I dreamed "Glee" was doing a salute to Laurie Anderson.



Ah, what other wonders will this day reveal?! We have reached our day of expectation!

Happy April Fools!

Day 30- A picture

From Photo of me

Have you seen this fish???

From Singles 2011

Yes, I know. You've seen him here on the blog. But, recently. Like, has he moved into a tank near you? Is he hanging from his big sucker lips onto a window? or bowl? or ??

Last week I finally got around to getting him some help with keeping the aquarium glass SPOTLESS as it was obviously a job for two and his buddy, you'll remember, was either murdered or committed suicide a few weeks back. I swear he was in the tank the day before, but I've not spotted him since! I've swished around the plants and "fluffed" the gravel and haven't even seen a corpse or spare fin. Criminy! Did he decide he'd cling to the floating plastic bag and I didn't notice and tossed it and him into the trash??? Am I the prime suspect again in this rash of "fishy tales".

Oh. That hurt.

(By the way - Day 29 - Three wishes. I can't distinguish between hope and wish. All is great and I hope it continues. Three times.)

Day 28- Something that stresses you out

Time.

Time stresses me.

I'm stressed when I'm behind schedule, when I'm running late for an appointment or running "just on time" for one. I'm stressed about missing time with loved ones. Wasting time. Running out of time.

And, clutter.

But, I tolerate the latter better.

Oh, and zombies. My guess is in times of zombie apocalypse, the first two won't bother me as much.

Yes, but there's also missing a meal. That might even supersede the zombie issue.

Day 27- Pets

From Singles 2011

Growing up we had lots of pets: turtles, fish, cats, dogs, parakeets, hamsters, gerbils, and even a cricket for several months until I accidentally killed it taking it to a "Pet Parade". Then, I graduated from high school and entered a long pet free zone. Eight years. It helped that while a grad students I got to study animal behavior and had a whole colony of ring doves to care for. Plus, I spent time watching rats and lemurs and dragonflies and my roommates had cats. Once I left school and entered my adult life - living in apartments - I had apartment pets: fish, birds (Beaker, Big Bird, Modern Physics, Hope, No-Ears, Watts and Ohms) and gerbils (my favorite being Bob - he was OBESE, but a very loving daddy.) I didn't get my first "all my own" dog until I went BACK to school. Vet School.

I think it is safe to assume that if you've read anything from my blog previously or you just know me, you'll know Zelda. She's our now 14 year old (gasp) cocker spaniel and the queen of our home. But, before there was Zelda, there was Victor.

Victor le bon chien - like Zelda I adopted him as a "grown up" dog. Victor, unlike Zelda, was very grown up. I don't think he knew how to play. He certainly didn't chew anything that was not food. But, he was very, very, very good at cuddling. I spent a lot of time studying with him sleeping on my lap or on my chest. He was obsessed with me. Our love was intense.

Like Zelda, I was Victor's (at least) third home. He'd been found on the street prior to landing in the clink in Columbus, Ohio where he was adopted by a grad student in theater. He named Vic. He and Victor had a "routine" - weekly bath and daily change in bandanna. He didn't have Victor long, however, before he moved apartments and was no longer able to keep a dog. I don't know how people get themselves into these situations. But, lucky for me!

Like Zelda, I have many photos of Victor. He was a cooperative boy. Here, alas, I have only two. You've seen the other recently (First Love). Here's (above) our Christmas card from 1998. (He didn't have white spots - that's dust.)

Victor died in February of 1999. He had DCM with AV heart block. (Don't worry about those particulars - I'm just showing off how cool I am to know vet jargon.) His "resting" heart rate was 36. In February he rested too well. I was at work. I believe he died in his sleep- his heart was just too slow. I was heartbroken. He was my heart and soul for only 3 years - though he probably lived to be 15 or so.

From christmas in brisbane

Zelda came from Carolina Cocker Rescue around Easter of the same year. She was two and filled with LIFE! She's still my "very bad girl" though she doesn't jump as high, any more. She had been called Ebony - but I knew she needed the name of a quintessential party girl.

I had no intention of getting another black cocker. They are so hard to photograph - but the other cocker available at that time, a parti colored boy, ran away from home the night before I drove to Charlotte to meet him. Zelda, however, was waiting for me. She'd been trialed in a house with 2 cats previously - and no one got any sleep that night: the chase was ON! and furious! No other comment was made. She was just "brought home". I had taken some dog treats with me. She was(is) initially a bit timid, but food goes a LONG way to breaking down barriers.

So, two black cockers. I don't think they are hard to tell apart even in photos. Certainly, in person Victor was a bigger dog. Victor had the classic cocker "wiggle butt". Victor had some residual facial paralysis. Zelda has those long, low set ears. Victor looked doleful. Zelda has perfected "disdain". Zelda is a Republican.

I hope that somebody reading this is inspired by my beautiful friends and is moved to select their next best friend from the ranks of the orphaned, abandoned, adult rescue dog population. There's a lot of love out there - and it's already housebroken!

From Singles 2011

Day 26- Picture of your family

The challenge with this post is that my family is changing. I can't have a photo of the family I hold in my heart, because I've lost so many of its members. Additionally, sometimes people just can't/don't make it to a party or holiday gathering.

Given these limitations, here are the photos.

The first one comes from our wedding in 2003.

From Singles 2011

The second is from Christmas about 1985. There are cousins missing and Renee - still, it is one of my favorite group shots.

From Singles 2011

Day 25- Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs

OK. Another cheat.

I'm using my i-tunes AND eliminating all the Stevie Wonder tunes. Nothing against Mr. Wonder - but Kevin has loaded the ENTIRE Stevie Wonder discography onto my i-tunes and ...

I don't know how to start randomly - so the first song played is the first in my music list:

1. Al Jarreau "Moonlighting (Theme)"
- 4 Stevie Wonder songs
2. Laurie Anderson "White Lily"
3. Kate Rusby "The Sleepless Sailor"
- Stevie Wonder "Always"
4. Mouth Music "Mile Marbh'aisg Air A'Ghaol"
5. Laurie Anderson "The Statue of Liberty"
6. Scott Walker "30 Century Man" from "The Life Aquatic with Steve
- Stevie Wonder
7. George Benson "Nature Boy"
- Stevie Wonder
8. Collin Hay "Children on Parade"
- Stevie Wonder - four more songs
9. Solomon Burke "Presents for Christmas"
- Stevie Wonder - five more songs
10. Elbow "Weather to Fly"

So, that would be 16 Stevie Wonder tunes. That's probably a fair reflection of just how much he is over-represented here. I just wasn't up to that much Wonder this morning.

Day 24-Something you've learned

Without even trying, I seem to have learned my times 12 table - all the way to 12 x 12.

Wow.

Day 23- Favorite vacation

From Singles 2011

Let's see. It must have been about 1992. October. I was working at the College of Wooster. It was fall break. My parents, sister, and I had made a plan to spend the holiday on the Outer Banks of North Carolina.

My mom and dad picked me up from Wooster and then we tooled down I71 to Columbus - stopping at The Leaf for a piece of pie - to pick up Renee. We were all giddy with excitement. We planned a 2 day drive down with our first stop in Virginia.

This is where my parents, while unpacking the car, recognized that they had bags from Renee and I - and my mother's breathing machine/drug/emergency bag - but no suitcase of clothing for themselves. We all found this to be hilarious. Their suitcase was still waiting on the bed in Versailles. They were hundreds of miles away, preparing to "holiday" in dirty socks and underwear.

Does it sound amusing? Maybe you had to be there.

The next day involved a stop at a local shopping center to pick up undergarments and outer garments. No big deal. Just clothes - we are on VACATION.

We stayed in Kitty Hawk - (That's the birthplace of aviation for you Australians - where Orville and Wilbur Wright, both good ole boys from Dayton, Ohio - flew their first manned flight.) It is an area of sandy dunes. It is are area of windy, sandy dunes. See photo above. I love this photo! Look how happy everyone is.

From Singles 2011

Despite the coats and hats you'll see, on the beach the water was still warm and the days sunny. Renee and I played a game of racing the waves into shore. You had to touch the incoming wave and then run! trying to keep ahead. My mother sat further up on shore with a video camera. At one point she noted that the wave coming in was going to be much larger than the others had been and she tried to get our attention. To warn us.

She needed to warn herself. We were fine. The wave, however, washed in, up and past her, carrying away the video camera bag and sending her sprawling onto her back.

This is all on film, mind you. Great "you were there moment" of water rushing to land and then the picture flips suddenly up to the sky. With screaming.

I had so much fun. It was the last holiday I took with my family as a whole. After, I traveled a bit with my mom and dad - but Renee, old married lady, never again left her husband to come along. I cherish the memory of playing again. Simple. Joyful. Play.

And, the red beans and rice at the local Caribbean restaurant!

Day 22- What's in your makeup bag

From Singles 2011

As strange as it will seem to people who know me - this is the day entry that made me want to do this project.

I have no makeup bag. I have my dad's old shaving bag that has 2 boxes of very, very old contact lenses and saline solution.

I have a really pretty make up bag that I received for Christmas from my friend Carolyn a couple years ago. Just can't figure out what to put IN it. I have it set aside to take to the hospital with us. That's assuming I put something in it first. Maybe my ipod. Maybe some candies.

For years when I did sort of have a make up bag (I think it was still that shaving bag above) I had something it it... Blue Foundation. We bought it to make Zombie photos.

See above.

Day 20- Nicknames

My nicknames have all come from my family. I suppose that is probably common. I'm not sure. I always thought a nickname was pretty cool and hoped someone at school would give me one. Though, I guess, I'd only want a nice one.

My mother on occasion called me "Practice model". When she was not so happy with me, "Problem child". She must have a thing for double name nicknames and the letter "P".

My Grandmother was the only one to call me "Annie". And, that's the way I want to keep it. Please.

My father either called me "Anushka" or "Katrina". Except, of course, when he was confused about which daughter I was, then I might me "An-ay".

Day 21- Picture of yourself

From Photo of me

On Sunday. With a little help from photoshop.

Day 19- Something you miss

I miss having seasons; four distinct seasons each characterized by its own beauty. I miss the way they illustrate the passage of time - marching ever onward, always a sense of exhilaration for what lies ahead. Here, where the days go from a bit longer to way shorter and the temperature sways between god-awful hot to pleasant to coolish and the exact identity of what flower is blooming cycles, time whizzes past without a reminder to stop and take note, without anticipation, without joy.

Day 18- Something you regret

From Singles 2011

–verb (used with object)
1. to feel sorrow or remorse for (an act, fault, disappointment, etc.): He no sooner spoke than he regretted it.
2. to think of with a sense of loss: to regret one's vanished youth.

Another topic that I got hung up on. I wrote a first draft outlining my regrets about relationships that should have ended much, much, much sooner and those that I should have stuck with, jobs I should have hung onto and jobs I should have quit before anyone got hurt, missing opportunities because I was too anxious about exposing myself or change. Add on to this, the regret that I've not come to terms with these regrets nor have I developed any greater capacity to ask for what I need. But, then, yesterday while I was doing my BIG SPRING CLEANING (despite it being the start of autumn here in the Southern Hemisphere), I realized the biggest regret I have. I regret that my father will never meet our son.

You can see in the photo above how enthralled and patient he was with little children. While everyone else (who've been cut out of the photo) is just standing about, he's bent over closely so he can see the miracle that little Martha has in her hands. He would have loved to have a little boy. They would have had such fun together. He could have taught Zupe so much - particularly, how to love a child.