Hoping to be

Dear Dr

I would like to begin by stating that we have been very satisfied with your care of our son, James O’Brien. Thank you for your thorough and conscientious attention.

I am having a problem, however, which I am hoping that a letter can rectify since attempts to address this via the telephone have failed miserably. My name. I appreciate that I am no longer Mrs. O in your records. I must assume that the number of mothers in your practice who have a surname that differs from their children is small as I never would have completed any paperwork identifying myself by that name. My name is DA***E. That is a very unusual name in Brisbane, I realize. I’ll spell it again.

DA***E

The most recent version of my name, Duporth, was attached to the letter dated 26 September 2013 referring us to Dr A. Unfortunately, that is also the name that was attached to the letter to Dr A’s office. I hope I have corrected it successfully when they called me to set up an appointment for James in March – only time will tell.

 It is both an annoyance and a source of mild amusement to me – these various misnamings – but I fear they would be making a poor impression on other professionals to which you communicate on our behalf.

 Hoping to be Ann Da***e ever onward.

 Sincerely,

 Ann

Don't call me tomorrow

Really.  I know you haven't heard from me in more than 6 months and just the idea that I still exist probably induces an almost irresistible urge to call me - even though you've never called me before and there is a really significant possibility that you don't even know HOW to call me - and, therefore, I should not have even mentioned anything.  Who calls me, anyway, and yet - there I did it.

So, I must repeat.  Please don't call me tomorrow.

I'm trying to leave the line open so I can be informed that I have won $5000 and my book "Llamas in Lampshades" has won the picture book competition and is about to be published.

Don't call me and I'll send you a copy.

EDITED:  Sigh.  You all did a great job of not calling.  Unfortunately, the competition notifier didn't call either.  Instead, I have a tooth ache.