Monday, February 24, 2014

From November 6, 2013

When I was a kid walking home from school (35 miles, barefoot, through the snow), I had a lot of time to observe the world and ponder. On three or four days EVERY YEAR, the snow melted (spring) and the world leaped out of its monotone cloak into vibrant brown with greenish hues and on these days, as I left the empty lot and crossed into my friend Joyce's backyard, I was confronted by white dog poo. Yes, Snowflake the Alaskan Spitz was a white dog, but so was the poo that coloured (not the best choice of words here) the grass under the clothes line on which he was frequently chained. Even then I thought it was odd because my dog, Peanut, had brown poo.

I still think it is odd. I've now lived with dogs and picked up dog poo for close to twenty years. Poo is white only when it is stuffed with kleenex. What was Snowflake eating? Granted, I have figured out that it didn't leave his little white bottom as little white poo but aged and bleached into these calcified nuggets. Still, did he have a metabolic condition that over-mineralized his excrement?

Zelda has been dancing on the other side of the rainbow bridge for 4 months now and gross as it may seem to you, I have been watching the few and scattered fecal boluses in the back yard. I couldn't bring myself to scoop them up and dispose of them. They were what I had left of Zelda and maybe cloning technology would take a leap into easy affordability in the next few days and then I'd want that poo! Anyway, there's still a couple of pieces left - under the clothesline though she was never chained there - she just knew it would be a most inconvenient spot - and now they are white. I still don't understand Snowflake, but these, I've decided, must be angel-dog poo and it brings me a little explosion of joy to think she's still checking in on us.

I miss you my princess. Even though you had been confined to the kitchen for your incontinent ways for the last year, I expect to see the blinds stir and then you to meet me at the door when I come home. I keep the screen door closed when I close the sliding glass doors in the kitchen so you can see the closure and not run headlong into the glass. As the days then weeks roll by, in my heart you get younger and are once again in your prime. You tear through the house chasing a balloon. You dash around the backyard playing soccer with me. You pause for minutes to meditate with your peace lily. You leap over and over again at the table while we eat hoping to attract a scrap. Your chin is on my knee when I sit on the couch or lie in my bed. You never give me kisses. Zelda, there is SO MUCH FOOD on the floor these days. I am so sorry you aren't here to enjoy it - sometimes, it is even watermelon!

On occasion I try to think about having a dog again one day but my mind struggles. In my heart - having a dog again - means that somehow I open the door and Zelda is back. Where have you been, dear friend? I love you, so. How I have missed you!
From February 1, 2014
From February 1, 2014

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Happy Birthday Dear Renee- ee

 photo 1987-Renee-painted-face-4.jpg

Sunday is your birthday. You could be 51. You won't be. You'll always be 50 and, not really. Really 49. Why are you letting ME get older by myself? Isn't the little sister supposed to do that with you? Are you sure you read the fine print?

Sorry Renee. I'm still so angry about this. I'm angry about a lot of things. And, sad. Angry and sad. You name it: angry and sad. When will it stop? How will it stop? Damn it all.

And, I feel so bloody (salute to my new land) selfish about it all - because I want you to be there for me. I miss you. I have a list of projects I need your help with - not the least of which is raising a boy. A BOY, Renee. What do I know about a BOY. And, he doesn't make it easy by possessing a shared language with me. Doesn't he realize I don't know what I'm doing? That, I need some sort of break, here?

The most recent issue of BH&G (Australia) had the audacity to publish an article called "now Paint Your Own Art". HOLD IT. That was your job! I am surrounded by too many, too white walls. They taunt me.

And, who's going to laugh with me about this idea - cutting an Elvis image into your lawn? Laugh and then DO IT!

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Aloe Blacc - Wake Me Up (Acoustic)

This is here - not because I understand the lyrics, which has been established - but because the tune struck me as beautiful - and I didn't want to forget it.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014


My vacuum cleaner sucks! Which is to say, it no longer sucks. By that I mean, it USED to suck because it didn't suck but NOW it doesn't suck because it does!!! Woohoo! I feel like such a success! Thank you You Tube!

Edited: When push came to shove and I attacked the living room carpet, I was sadly surprised to find that my lack of suction had returned. Cleaned the filter again - and ta-da! - we were back in business. But, again for only a few strokes. It took an embarrassing amount of time and repetitions to figure out that there was a hole in the vacuum bag that was blowing debris around in the canister which was then obstructing the filter. I reserve judgement on my success and am still assessing the probability that I'll be buying a new vacuum cleaner.

Saturday, February 08, 2014

I think I needed to pull up the blanket…

From January 1, 2014

Last night I had another of my taking a long trip through Ohio dreams. Well, at least that was part of it and by long trip, I don't really mean great distances by car - but usually I"m on foot and I've found a new way to run and I think, "Why don't I do this when I am awake?! It is so easy!" This time I had a silver tricycle - a little silver tricycle and I was traveling between Columbus and Piqua (on small back roads as you would with a little silver tricycle - or when you are practicing your special new running style) through the dark and through the ice and snow. I had an appointment in Piqua. I had to be there early. By 6 AM. Oh, and Zelda was running along with me.

So, I go to this appointment. I was on time but I was not expected. I had failed to call ahead - alerting the medical team with my special toothbrush. And, I had a dog. What was I going to do with Zelda during this appointment. Then, again, I needed to get home and I was not going to be able to travel back on my tricycle.

I was feeling like it was a good thing that this needed to be postponed since I was obviously NOT READY when a nurse or doctor or technician came out carrying a tray on which sat three Easter eggs and three frozen embryos and I had to either make it work or walk away.

Zelda, meanwhile, was donning a white coat. She was fitting right in.