Ohio Log- Day 1.

Well, it is actually day 2. But, if you arrive about 8 PM following a 26 hour trip and then drive 2 hours where you eat vegetable soup, pumpkin pie, and hug your mom- that doesn’t seem to count. Hmmmm. I guess it does count. What could be better in a day than homemade soup, pumpkin pie, and a hug?

So.

Ohio Log – Day2.

Kevin had picked me up from the airport and driven me home to Versailles. This is now Saturday and we have an important engagement with Cynthia at H & R Block. We need to give her something like $300 to tell the US government that if they want any of our money they need to hit up the big boys in Australia. Here’s their number.

Our appointment is for 10 AM – which is, interestingly enough, the EXACT SAME TIME that auditions begin for “Deal or No Deal” at the Piqua Mall. H & R Block is in the little strip mall just off the parking lot for the Mall. We are met by police directing an unending stream of vehicles turning into the mall drive. Thanks to Kevin’s super mutant powers, however, we immediately find something like the last parking place in the lot associated with the strip mall. Yay.

Our appointment was fine. Easy. Sign the papers that had already been completed and then the credit card invoice. Kevin was eager to return to Columbus where he’s gaming for the next 10 days at the “Gathering of Friends”- but he’s willing to go with me into the mall to see the throngs who are there for the big audition.

Why was I surprised that many appear unwashed and skeevy? I guess I thought if you wanted to get chosen you’d dress up and look like TV-fodder. Silly me. So. Lots of people- many of whom were practicing screaming and clapping.

We picked up an application form. The questions were interesting- and I’d quote them all if I hadn’t given the form to my neighbor, Dixie of the pie crust and catechism fame. She has ALWAYS wanted to be on TV. So, I’ll struggle a bit here and maybe Kevin will help me later.

Your most embarrassing moment.

This is a bit of a challenge- I’m good at embarrassing myself.

When I was in the fourth grade, it was a big thing to pass “cooties”. These are like nerdy germs, I guess. I think you had to be there. Anyway, in the lunch line from the front of the line came a big run of K****’s cooties. I turned around and pass them. To C. K****, herself. Arghhhh.

When I was in the sixth grade I was wearing this one piece, red, white, and blue, zippered all the way down the front koolot outfit. I was at my locker and thinking I was taking off my jacket I unzipped my clothes all the way from top to bottom.

Then there was the time I lost my half slip while walking across the parking lot on my way to work at Kohl’s Department store.

Or, the time I called the crematorium instead of the blood lab for Zelda.

Or, the incident with all the blood. I can't even go there!

Your most unusual job.

Definitely, collecting radioactive horse piss. It wasn’t that we needed the urine- we just didn’t want to contaminate the environment of our scintigraphy unit. Somebody had to do it- and I was willing to work for minimum wage. (I was told I was a very good radiology technician’s assistant. My internal response- I should THINK so. I have a PhD.) The worst day of work was when I got covered in said urine and the scrub goddesses at the laundry at the vet school REFUSED to give me clean scrubs to change into. Well, initially. I wasn’t taking “no” for an answer. I was “hot”!

Though, I’ve also been a sexual surrogate for doves, detassled corn (but who hasn’t? At least if you grew up when I did in Versailles), and collected data on dragonfly behavior in the field.

See, I’m pretty good. I think I could have made it on paper. I just don’t have the effusive and excitable nature they’d want to see on TV.

Dixie does.

And, I’d never seen the show before. I’d heard a description of it- but I couldn’t believe that anyone would want to watch such a nothing concept.

Once again, I am so wrong.