Thursday, September 18, 2008

Sick Puppy

From singles 2

This is a work of fiction. All names and characters are either invented or used fictitiously. To the best of the author's knowledge, there is no such licensed product as a Double-Jointed Vampire Barbie, nor is there a cinematic portrayal thereof.

However, while most events described in this book are imaginary, the dining habits of the common bovine dung beetle are authentically represented.

I must admit- I did laugh out loud. Despite the harrowing reminders that human development is ruining the natural beauty of Florida, it is a lot of fun. Twilly Spree is an environmentalist with anger management issues- at least that is what the court told him when he was ordered to participate in a workshop after blowing up his uncle's bank. In "Sick Puppy" he follows lobbyist Palmar Stoat home after witnessing his frequent littering and eventually (after the scene with the dung beetles) kidnaps his Labrador.

Carl Hiaasen, beyond being blessed with copious vowels, possess keen insight into the mind of the Labrador retriever. The lab mind is NOT the emotionally sensitive, wise, and loving mind of the golden retriever. The lab mind is completely fixated on FOOD, SMELLS, PLAY.

The dog was having a grand time.

That's the thing about being a Labrador retriever--you were born for fun. Seldom was your loopy, free-wheeling mind cluttered by contemplation, and never at all by somber worry; every day was a romp. What else could there possibly be to life? Eating was a thrill. Pissing was a treat. Shitting was a joy. And licking your own balls? Bliss. And everywhere you went were gullible humans who patted and hugged and fussed over you....Labradors operated by the philosophy that life was too brief for anything but fun and mischief and spontaneous carnality.

And, there's more!

Without a doubt- the funniest rape scene I've ever encountered. I feel horrible saying that. But, Kevin has always insisted that I am the sick one.

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