So, I thought I'd try getting my head screwed on straight. I called a woman that my doctor recommended who said she did day long intensive therapy. I had to write up a history of myself and my concerns- all my pet neuroses- and email her ahead of time. She deftly saw through my self disclosure: "lonely, homesick, and lacking purpose". Somehow, it took about 5 pages for me to convey that. It seems so simple here.
The first hurdle, however, was that she is located in Palm Beach - on the Gold Coast. That is about a 90 min drive - even without traffic. I got up extra early and was ON SCHEDULE until, while I was talking with my mother on the phone, Zelda started scratching and pulled a stitch.
Run. Run. Run. It was still before 7 AM so alone I bandaged her chest (in purple to match her collar), both her feet, put an e-collar on her and popped her a Mr. Ace the Promazine tablet.
In all, I was less than an hour late arriving.
I don't know about the day. It was exhausting with lots of emotion, but I thought I was doing OK until we reached the point where she asked me if I knew about the six things that people require to feel happy (or satisfied or ??).
"Do you mean Maslow's hierarchy of needs?" I asked as I tried to count them off in my head.
"No."
The six: connection, significance, variety, consistency, growth, and contribution. For a reason that doesn't seem intuitive for me, satisfying only three creates an addiction.
"Well", I said. "At least I don't have an addiction."
I didn't recognize that any of these were satisfied in my life. It was at this point that I pretty much gave up on the day. Or, more honestly, I gave up on anything more from the day. I was tired and now I felt like I'd spend most of a day and way too much money to have someone tell me in new words that "I'm lonely, homesick and lack a sense of purpose". Afterward she wanted me to design a plan to satisfy these needs- but I was too tired and too frustrated and I just wanted to go home.
So, I have some homework to do this week. I need to identify the things I love and the things I will not tolerate and then somehow these in combination with the list of relationship values and lifestyle values I created and hierarchically arranged, my blueprint for making healthy decisions for my life will emerge.
Actually, as this is being written some days later, I do feel better. And, Zelda, to the best of my knowledge, has not pulled any additional stitches.
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